I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!