You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
I'm single because I was born that way.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!