Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

I awoke one morning and found myself famous.