Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.