You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?