The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?