You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
No good deed goes unpunished.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
Men are as faithful as their options.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.