He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…
Sex is an emotion in motion.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.