Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.

When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.

It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!

It is better to be alone than in bad company.